


Negative

by IMAgentMI, PFLAgentYork (Legendaerie)



Series: Post-PFL RP AU [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fertility Issues, Pregnancy Test
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 09:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13051110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IMAgentMI/pseuds/IMAgentMI, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legendaerie/pseuds/PFLAgentYork
Summary: With Delta's help, Carolina takes her first ever pregnancy test.





	Negative

“ _ Are you sure this is a good idea? _ ”

“Why wouldn’t it be, D?” Carolina rips open the cardboard box, looks at the slender white stick inside, her first ever pregnancy test.  She pulls out a piece of paper from inside the package and begins to unfold it. “Look, you know how this is going to go. It’s been… over seven months since my last birth control injection on the MOI. We had to get it every six months, yeah, but that was to make certain there were no gaps in protection. It probably still has me covered for another month or two at the very least.”  

Carolina scans the instructions as she continues.  “This will only take a moment. York doesn’t need to be here. I’ll pee on the damn stick, wait two-” rereads a line, “-three minutes, and then we continue on a bit longer as we are.  Just the two of us.  Because this isn’t going to happen, Delta. We both know it. You know exactly what the chances are - don’t tell me again - and they are so close to zero as it makes no difference.  Okay?” 

“ _ I still think that York should be here _ .”

Carolina sighs heavily, glances toward the speaker.  She’s going to make a little green drawing or something on the wall one day, just to have something to talk at.  It never quite feels comfortable talking to Delta and never seeing him. And she misses seeing him. 

“It’s better this way.”  Carolina pauses and takes a deep breath, and for a moment, her shoulders sag.  “It would just hurt him, Delta. Yeah, he’d probably want to be here, but he would just get his hopes up and it would crush him when it doesn’t happen. I’ll take it, get the negative, tell him the news and it won’t be so bad, since he didn’t have the build up first. He might not have the greatest reaction anyway, but still better than the other.”

“ _ It is not York’s reaction I am most concerned about. _ ”

Carolina throws a sharp look at the speaker.  “I’m fine Delta. Now, can we get this done?  I just want it out of the way.”

Carolina lifts the lid of the toilet and is about to pull down her sweats when she hears a soft beep from the intercom, the signal that the A.I. is withdrawing.  “You don’t have to leave, Delta.” She tries not to sound too exasperated - he’s merely being courteous. If Delta could see her naked, It would mean nothing to him, and even if she doesn’t want to admit it, she would like someone here.  So when Carolina hears the double tone of his return, the surge of affection in her chest makes her heart ache.  “Thanks.”

Carolina pulls down her sweats and panties, sits on the toilet.  She pulls off the clear plastic cover on the tip of the pregnancy test (“ _ Do not throw the cover out, you will need it”), _ holds it ready in her fingers, and spends nearly a full maddening minute trying to convince herself to pee. 

“How fucking hard was that?” Carolina growls under her breath as her stream finally starts.  She holds her hand down between her legs to put the white foam tip into the stream, waits three seconds, then carefully pulls back up (“ _ Do not shake it, just put the top back on. Three minutes starting now” _ ). 

Carolina caps the test, and sets it on the counter while she cleans up and flushes. She steps over to the sink to wash her hands.  As she turns on the tap, her eyes glance over toward the white stick on the counter.

“ _ Do not look at it.” _

Carolina’s head jerks up, startled.  “You can’t even see me, Delta, how would you know if I was looking at it?” 

“ _ Please. _ ”

Carolina finishes washing her hands, and wipes them dry on a hand towel that is too pretty for the rest of the yet-undecorated room. She turns and leans back against the counter.  She folds her arms, and bows her head.  A turn to the side would be all she needs to see it, but she shuts her eyes and waits. 

The next two minutes pass with glacier slowness.  She wishes that there was some sort of noise in the room with her.  A drip.  The ticking of a clock. Anything to give a sound, a rhythm to the passing of time.  As it is, two minutes stretches on into an age of the earth.  

“ _ Three minutes is up.” _

Carolina stands still a moment longer, her folded arms no longer a stance of waiting, but rather bracing.  It takes a deep breath to unknot her, to loosen up enough to turn, to reach for the piece of white plastic.

 

\---------

 

“Wow, you’re a dirty little fucker.”  York doesn’t bother to give the air filter a second look, just tosses it to the side, straight into a satisfyingly large garbage can in the corner of the detached garage. The new filter is sitting on his workbench, and York takes the opportunity to scrub at his hands with an already filthy towel before he picks it up to rip open the box. He brushes his face against his shoulder for a second to wipe off a bit of sweat and starts to turn back to the truck.

“ _ Carolina needs you.” _

York freezes in place when he hears the voice coming from the phone in his back pocket.

“D? What d-”

“ _ You need to go to her.” _

The half opened filter hits the ground, and York is already running across the gravel driveway toward the house. 

“Where i-”

“ _ In the bathroom. It is negative.” _

“What does t-”

“ _ You will understand.” _

York wrenches open the front door and leaves it open behind him.  The house is small, small enough that you can cross it in about a dozen steps.  Small enough that he can hear her from the moment he opens the door.

“Carolina-”

York knocks a kitchen chair out of the way as he runs past, pulls himself to a stop, bracing both arms on the sides of the bathroom door.  “Carolina?”

She’s sitting on the floor, her back against the wooden cabinets under the sink.  Carolina has her arms wrapped around her knees, hair fallen down around her face as she weeps unrestrainedly.  York drops down next to her, but before he can even open his mouth, he sees the piece of white plastic still grasped in one hand.

“ _ It is negative _ .” York isn’t sure if the words are only a memory, but behind him he hears the intercom beep as everything pieces together.  

“Oh sweetheart…”  

York pulls himself right next to her, sliding one arm behind even as he reaches to pull the stick out of her hand to confirm. The single blue line doesn’t tell him anything, but the pieces are all there regardless. Carolina turns her head away from her knees, towards him, and he drops the pregnancy test in order to gather her into his arms, pulling her head against his chest. “Hey.  Hey, it’s okay.  Shhh.  It’s fine, I got you, shhh.”

Carolina can’t even begin to quiet herself yet, shoulders shaking, sobbing into York’s shirt. York tucks his head alongside hers, running his hand up and down soothingly along her back. He tries not to think too hard about the little piece of plastic lying on the floor, tucks away all the maybe-plans that had half formed in his head over the last month. That’s fine. She’ll be fine. They’ll both be fine. But his heart sinks anyway.

How awful she must feel, as performance driven as she is, to struggle with this? Does she feel like she’s failed? He can’t hope to understand the full course of her pain but he can be here for it, bear witness and whisper assurances that things will be alright, that she is loved.

Her weeping starts to lose steam and Carolina wraps her arms around him, clutching at him weakly as her breath becomes less ragged. York smooths her hair, still whispering and pressing kisses to her temple and forehead. He will mourn later. She needs him now.

Carolina finally calms, taking a long controlled breath before trying to speak.  “I didn’t expect this.” Her voice sounds low and broken - she clears her throat, but it doesn’t help. “That it would hurt this much.”  

York looks down as she shifts against him, but she only tucks her head lower before she continues. “We knew that it wasn’t going to happen. This was just a… formality. Making one hundred percent sure. I shouldn’t have taken it so hard. But seeing it - it hit me that it could be that that’s all I’ll ever see. Negative. Every time. And once I -- once I realized…”  Carolina goes silent, and it’s only the renewed tension in her body that tells him that she is crying again. 

“Carolina,” he says, keeping his voice gentle and low, pressing his lips to her forehead. “Carolina, sweetheart… we have time, okay? I promise. We have-- years, and years to work this out. To recover. We don’t have to hurry anymore. We don’t have to push ourselves. There will be…”

His words falter, doubt and fear searing his heart, and he shuts his eyes tight. Forces conviction and tenderness into his voice, and prays that maybe he can make them both believe it.

“We’ll have another chance. Next month, maybe. Or after that. But it’s okay. We have time. Years and years of it.”

Carolina lets his words sink into her, a salve for her aching heart, and a couple deep breaths help to calm her back down.  “I know, York.” Her voice is raw and hoarse, but there's no helping that right now. “I know. It just… caught me completely unprepared. I know we have time.  And if there is a way, we will find it. But--" The word hangs cold and ominous as she struggles to explain, “-- I can't… keep doing this.  I can't go through this every month.  Not if it is going to hurt like this every time.”  

Carolina reaches up to brush her fingers through York's hair, hoping gentleness will ease any sting in her next words. “Since I'm not menstruating yet, we don't have any idea when I might become fertile again, and if I did become pregnant, I wouldn't miss my period, because I hadn't been having one.  Only way we'd know is if we did a test every month. No, York. That isn't fair to either of us.” 

Carolina’s fingers go still in his hair as she leans forward to touch their foreheads together.  “We should start using condoms. Until I start having periods again. Until there is a sign that things are starting to get back to normal, that we have enough of a chance that it is worth risking the heartache.”

He doesn’t let himself hesitate. “Anything you need,” he assures her. “Anything. Just… let me know what you need from me. I love you. So,” and he steals a kiss, “so much.”

“You're all I need. You and a pile of condoms.”  Carolina's smile might be weak, but her return kiss is warm and sincere.  “And...I might need a few days.  I'm sorry.”

“That’s-- fair,” he admits. Maybe in that time he can find a way to heal, too. Her pain, and being helpless to stop it, aches. 

“C’mon.”  Another quick kiss, and Carolina scrubs her hand against York's arm. “Let’s get up off the floor. If you like, I'll come out to the garage with you. I'd love to see what you're doing out there to cause all that swearing.”

“As you wish, my lady.” He offers her a hand up and pretends not to notice how she trembles.

Carolina accepts his help to stand, then slips an arm around York’s waist.  “Thank you.  Now… let's go swear at stuff in the garage.”  Carefully navigating out the bathroom door while refusing to loosen her grip on York, Carolina stealthily dries her eyes on her own shoulder and grins up at York. “Bet I know more cuss words than you.”

“Bet I can string ‘em together in a cooler way,” he teases back. “You sure this is a battle you can handle?”

“Bring it on, dickcissle.”  As they get to the front door, Carolina gently hip checks York into door frame, then gives him a wide smile. “Race you to the garage?”  Without waiting for a reply, Carolina bolts.

For a moment, York just stands and watches her, staring at her retreating back. For a moment, he doesn't hide how much it hurts to have failed. Then he shakes himself, and chases after her with a grin as warm as the sunlight outside.

As always, he's just one step behind her.


End file.
